Lukey turned Five this month. It brought with it many mixed feelings and so many amazing moments. He keeps asking if he can have two birthdays and two cakes. There has always been some kind of mental block when it comes to Luke beginning school, like I just couldn't see it happening. But now with the news that he is going to be in a special class it is finally starting to sink in and I am beginning to see that I am going to have quite a lot of free time on my hands. I have been at home with my boys for nearly seven years and very soon they will both be at school. Where does that leave me?
We don't need me to go back to work financially and so if i did I would want to be doing something that I really love.I know I am terribly spoilt especially in this economy. Anyway right now I still believe I need to be here, Luke is going to need me and we might have a lot of travelling to do, Blake would love to have more of me since in the last 18 months the focus has been on Luke, it would be nice if the balance was restored a little. But what about those hours in the day when they are not here? I know there is a lot that I can catch up on, there is a LOT of gardening for me to do, I can finally be organised like by cleaning, cooking, organizing activities for them and getting prepared and in a way I am looking forward to that but...... is that really all my life will be? Is that all I have to offer the world, to basically be a servant to these three boys? I keep asking myself what do I want to do? What are my passions? I will have time for myself, time to breathe and time to do something that I would like but the truth is I really really don't know what that is. I still want to be here, I just want more to being here. Does that make sense? I want to be inspired, excited about what I have to do everyday. I want to wake up passionate about my day, I cant help it but washing dishes and sweeping don't make me feel that way ;)
Has anyone else felt this way??
Btw girls thanks for your comments on my last post!
I got those glasses as a gift for my 21st so I am so sorry I cant tell you where they came from.